Me vs. “The Game”

So… I’ve recently come back from Essence Music Festival in New Orleans (full analysis coming in 2008 Summer Culture Report II)

And let me just say that I’ve never been around that many beautiful black women in my life. Note the emphasis on ["in my life"]. My goodness…and I’m usually not one to lust…but I indulged.

…furthermore, majority of the women there were older than me. And yes, they still were beautiful and attractive. The women came in their best. Hair. Clothes. Nails. And I promise that the ratio had to be like 3-to-1. And for the most part, the sistas came DEEP. And no, these were not your “run-of-the-mill” sistas. Many were professionals. Many had careers. Thousands of beautiful, black, professional women. And you could assume they were single too. Yeah, they were!

So, from that description, some of you may want to say,  “You must have had a GOOD TIME then, Justin!” or “How many numbers did you pull?”

And those are fair questions for you all to ask me. You’d think that with a sea of such black women, I’d leave with ’something’, right? A number. A new friend. A good time to reflect on.

But no..none of that’s the case.

[General readers are rolling their eyes thinking, "Why the hell not?"]

[My closes friends are thinking, "<sigh>Dangit, Justin, you did it again."]

And I respect those reactions….to an extent. So let’s dive into “why not, Justin?”

• Was it that I wasn’t comfortable to really pursue? <shrug> 
• Was I nervous? <shrug>
• Did I just not see anything that I liked? <shrug> [truthful answer is 'no']

These above questions seem to be the story of my [dormant love] life.

My definition of “The Game” is the method in which someone pursues a relationship. Simple enough definition. If you have a better one let me know.

It’s Me versus “The Game”. And it’s been an ongoing battle since my adolescene. ”The Game” and I have always had differences. We’re always been competing to see who’s method was better.

And I know it’s kind of controversial to even think of such a process as a game. But I do. There is definitely a strategy. I would love for it not to be. I wish it was simple. I wish it just…happened. But I’ve realized that there are certain “plays” I got to make to get “things done”. Girls don’t tend to realize that you’re feelling them, and that you’re sincere, on their own. You gotta ‘play it’ so that it is known to them. THAT is the game…to me at least. Perhaps that’s just how my simple analytical mind thinks of it. But if you don’t agree, express your thoughts later, and just play along for now.

Let’s reflect back on “The Game”, from when I first began to recognize it.

[flashback music and smoke interlude] It all started back in middle school, when girls got more interesting to me [and mostly everyone else]. “The Game” back then was pretty low maintenance from what I can recall on the outside looking in.

1. Get a girl’s number [via 'note in class', her best friend, or straight up]
2. Call the girl [that is, if you ever got by her parents...we had to rely on our house phone back then]
3. Eventually ask the girl to be your girlfriend
4. Hang out with each other EVERYWHERE at school [lunch, gym, below the staircase, etc.]
5. Schedule a “date”, i.e. “Let’s go to the Movies/Astroworld/Concert”

Sure, it didn’t go in that way or in that order all the time [especially with some of my cliche <shakes my head>]. But that seems like the basic skeleton of it. If I’m wrong, forgive me… As a thirteen-year-old, I didn’t know jack about “game”. I was oblivious. And I hated the peer pressure of having to execute it to prove my “masculinity” to everyone.

[flashback music again] When I went on my middle school field trips to Astroworld, the guys would play a game to see how many girls you could ‘pull’. I’d come back empty-handed usually. Every now and then, I’d write down a fake # and name just to avoid the humilation and teasing for the upcoming school week. Or perhaps I’d make up a stroy about how I took a girl on the Mayan MindBender [Houston folk know what I mean]. Heh..it’s a shame what I would do to fit in. 

Most of the time, I didn’t even try to get numbers. But when i did…It felt so unnatural. It felt so ‘put on’. I didn’t think that I, nor the girl, deserved to go through that fascade.

So that begs the ‘oh so common’ question, “What the hell do you do, Justin, when you like a girl?”, “What is ‘natural’ to you, Justin?”

Well, I make an effort. 

[My closest friends are laughing right now]

Trouble is, it seems that when I’m in a setting in which I’m most likely to see a prospect is the setting in which I’m most uncomfortable with approaching someone. Reason being, because THAT’s what is expected. Because THAT is the status quo. The Club. The Mall. On 6th Street.  In these places, I won’t hardly try. I suppose that those are the environments that one is expected to do so, but I just don’t.

But that seems to be what “The Game” is calling for. Can you blame “The Game” for doing so.

I don’t mean to say that girls are impossible to approach as those places, but their defense is up. And I believe that it’s that “defense” that intimidates me. ‘Cause I can sense it like ants sense sugar.

As many of us would say, “I don’t go to the club to find somebody”. I SAY that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.

Where is anything else going on? Where else am I going to meet someone? The cafeteria. The grocery store. I’m not going to wait in aisle 6 to find someone.

As far as approaching girls, we live in an “old school” world. I believe that most girls want to be pursued. I believe that a lot of girls want to be chased. I believe that girls want to see that persistence from a guy. And I agree…

Today, a guy can’t be noticed by being shy, or by taking no initiative. That’s my battle. Once upon a time I thought that subconsciously, I was waiting for one of those dramatic moments like where me and the girl are in the grocery store and bump baskets reaching for the same box of Cheez-Its. Or perhaps maybe I’m waiting on that hot girl to drops her books in the middle of the hallway. Or maybe she’s come to me in a dream or something. Bradford called me out for unknowingly having this mentally once. Thanks, Bradford.

I’d be real nice if things popped off, without it feeling like a game at all. That it would just come naturally. Too bad I’m human, and not a Disney character  In our society, pursuit must occur to get want you want. That’s our culture. No arranged marriage. Probability isn’t on your side when it comes to having that ’special someone’ being dropped in your lap.

~ by justinfication on July 9, 2008.